By Andy Carrizales
Benitta remembers walking to school in India in her torn shoes. She remembers her shoes were not pretty but their appearance didn’t matter, as long as they protected her feet on the rocky Indian roads.
“I think everybody in India, as long as they have a pair of shoes on their feet, everything is good. Some of the shoes you see in schools are torn or have small holes in the front, but people don’t mind. As long as their feet are comfortable and not in the mud or stepping on the rocks, they’re happy.”
Now that Benitta lives in America, appearances are a big factor in determining her footwear. Her new shoes have made her look at herself with a critical eye, and cultural factors in this new country affect her self-worth. Benitta now struggles with her body image and her heels are her only escape. She feels more valuable and beautiful when she wears them.
“I always say that ‘Oh, I think I had a little too much to eat,’ ‘I’m overweight’ or ‘I look fat.’ Whenever I wear heels I just feel tall and skinnier. It makes me happy.”
Benitta’s concern about appearances has evolved into an uneasiness every time her shoes don’t seem up to par, something she wouldn’t think about back in her hometown.
“If my shoes don’t match my outfit I feel really uncomfortable and I get a tension in my heart. I ask myself, ‘Am I okay? Does this go with this?’ ”
The little girl who used to wear torn shoes to school is gone. Benitta now wears heels to work and, in an effort to elevate her self-esteem, she longs for the approval of the strangers who walk through the office doors.
